The Littlest Birds

A pendant I wear to remind me to keep singing

"The littlest birds sing the prettiest songs..."
                            - The Littlest Birds by The Be Good Tanyas

When I was in my undergrad this was a kind of theme song between me and my four closest friends who all lived together. We loved the idea behind it; maybe then taking it in as a reflection of us being little chicklets in the big wide world - going to university to learn how to sing our song! But now, when I listen closely to the lyrics, it takes on a whole new meaning to me. It speaks of exactly how I am feeling at this point in my 'adventurous' travels. The song starts off:

"Well I feel like an old hobo, I'm sad lonesome and blue
I was fair as the summer day, now the summer days are through
You pass through places, and places pass through you
But you carry 'em with you on the souls of your travelin' shoes."

Now, don't start thinking that I am regretting leaving or that I am feeling sorry for my lonesome self. I am just putting my life in perspective (again - what else is new). I recently had a revelation that as soon as I get back to Edinburgh I am completely alone and I have only myself to depend on to get the ball rolling in making a life for myself. I have to start from square one - I am like an old hobo getting back on my feet.
This past summer was perfect for me. I went traveling across Canada and came back to two jobs basically handed to me; giving me the opportunity to instantly begin making money to fund this trip. But things are going to be quite the opposite when I return to Edinburgh from this two-week trip I've been on. I am well aware that now the summer days are through and I'm going to have to work a lot harder to get what I want.
And the last part of this verse is just a really nice way to think about traveling. I'd like to think that all the experiences I have will stay with me and I'll carry them along in order make well-informed decisions in the future.

"I got the wanderin' blues
And I'm gonna quit these ramblin' ways one of these days soon"

These 'blues' that I have are more of a realization of the calm before the storm. As I am in Dublin for a couple more days I am just eager to get back to Edinburgh and get started in trying to find a flat and a job. I have made arrangements for approximately ten room viewings for when I get back on Thursday and I am just lamenting the fact that I can't just go right now. But, alas, I am stuck in Dublin - Natalie has left me and the friends I meant to visit are all busy.
And as for quitting 'these ramblin' ways', well I am just as eager for that chapter of my life to begin as I am for my traveling to continue. The whole idea behind me going on this adventure was based on my presumption that at some point I am going to want to settle down and be subject to responsibilities that will hold me down in one place. Hence, why I wanted to get all this traveling out of my system before all that takes control of my life. So, yes, I know for a fact that one of these days I will quit these rambling ways!

"Well it's times like these I feel so small and wild
Like the ramblin' footsteps of a wanderin' child"

After having this revelation about my loneliness (well, lets go ahead and change that to indepedence instead), I have been thinking about how I am venturing off to begin this new life and I have little-to-no preparation or direction. Just throwing myself into this whirlwind of firsts all over again. First home in Scotland. First job in Scotland. First friend in Scotland. It's like I am a kid again, getting ready to experience all these new things! It's exciting to be a 'wanderin' child'! But also kinda scary! That's why I keep in mind this quote that I really enjoy,
"Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared."
 - Eddie Rickenbacker
 And so, as the song goes,

"I am not too blue to fly, no I'm not to blue to fly 'cause the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs!"