Crystal Ball

"I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes."
                                                             -Crystal Ball by Pink

If you click on the song title and artist it will take you to a YouTube clip of Pink singing this song live. I have decided that from now on I will include a YouTube link for every song that I use from my blog posts. I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier! I love every song that I choose and sometimes I'll use one that isn't really well known so this way, if you're interested, you can have a listen. I am hoping that by doing this I might inspire some new listening choices in people, or at least give everyone a chance to acquire a better understanding of the meaning of each song by hearing it for themselves. I have gone back and included such a link for every post I have written thus far so if there was any song that you hadn't heard and wanted to hear, now's your chance!

So, moving on to my actual post for today...

First of all, I love Pink's music. Her lyrics are always so insightful and perfectly put. Even though some of her songs seem malicious and catty, each and every one of them has a clear message. I personally enjoy her softer songs better, such as the one I chose for this post.

As you can gather from the title, this song is dealing with the subject of the future.

"Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell.
But I'm not scared at all...
The cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball."

I just love this idea of 'cracks in the crystal ball'. To me, these cracks are the decisions - made and unmade, both in the past and to come - that are to be blamed for our inability to see what is to become of our lives. I've been thinking a lot about this kind of stuff lately for a couple reasons, mainly stemming from a psychic reading I had done for me three years ago on my birthday. I know, to some this is going to sound silly and don't think that I completely believe in this sort of stuff, but hear me out. The psychic has been on my brain lately because I have been thinking a lot about my future career.

As I mentioned in my last post, I went to St. Andrew's awhile back. While I was there I met a guy around my age who I got to talking to about my writing because he shares the same interest. He informed me that he has a friend in Edinburgh who just started a company that was involved in publishing children's literature. I was extremely excited to hear this since I am very keen on becoming a children's book author.

*side note*
In elementary school, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I always answered "author". I was known for my poetry in school: being asked to recite my poems over the PA system, painting poems on the bulletin boards in the school's hallway, and winning a young authors award in grade two. I even had a poem published in a book when I was 13. Needless to say I was very passionate about writing. Then I went to high school, then university, and that dream kind of got away from me. I still wrote here and there but not as avidly as when I was younger or with the same vision of becoming a future famous writer anymore. Now I am back feeling as driven as I did when I was so young. I just find that so fascinating! And it gives me even more drive to think that maybe I really am meant to be a writer. There is something to be said about still wanting the same career close to 20 years later.

Okay, back to my story. So this guy told me he would send me the information about his friend's company, which he did and I have contacted them. I am still waiting for a reply. Now, what does this have to do with my psychic reading three years ago you ask? Well, she said that I would build a career for myself, in a unique way, combining the functions of communications and creativity in three years. Interesting? Indeed!

But, as Pink says, there are still cracks in the crystal ball.
And just as she says also, I'm not scared at all.
Like the words of this song allude to, I am not sure of my future and I don't believe that that psychic could see exactly what was in store for me, but at the same time I am not scared. I know that I am fully capable of carrying out my life in such a way that it will bring an outcome that I eventually will be pleased with. I think. 

Anyways, another line in her song reflects something else that's going on in my brain:

"Oh, I've had my chances and I've taken them all.
Just to end up right back here on the floor."


This kind of sounds depressing, but it really hits home in regards to the feelings that I have about my present situation. I am here, in Scotland, living the dream right? But for some reason I feel like I am accomplishing nothing besides doing the same thing I was doing in Kingston - just in a different city. I think this is a case of me listening to that little pesky voice in my head that is telling me I am wasting my time. You know, the whole theory that You are your biggest critic? But there's another, angelic, calming voice in my head too. It's telling me that I am in freakin' Scotland! And I am experiencing a new culture, and meeting new friends, and learning new things, and living! So, although the other voice rears its ugly head every once in a while, I'm choosing to listen to the second voice. It's nicer.

And after all this maybe I'll be saying....

"Oh I've felt that fire and I've been burned
But I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned
I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned."

and I'm not scared at all.